In news that will surely reverberate throughout baseball let alone Red Sox nation, it has been reported that former Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez will return to pitch for the Red Sox again this season. Martinez has, according to a report by Nelson Muntz, agreed to a one year pro-rated contract of $4.3 million.
Reached by phone in his native Dominican Republic, Martinez confirmed the deal, “I am excited to come back home to the Boston Red Sox and look forward to making the Yankees my daddy yet again.” He added, “Wait, no, don’t use that.”
Martinez reportedly has negotiated a few oddities into his contract. Among them:
- Martinez will receive a suite on all road trips. Not just Red Sox road trips, all road trips.
- Martinez will be announced as, “The Greatest Living Martinez” when ever he enters a room.
- The Red Sox will have a mango tree planted behind the mound on days when he pitches.
- Major League Baseball has agreed to eliminate all mention in the official records of his time with the Mets. “It’ll be like it never happened,” said a source.
Martinez will start his comeback with the Houston Astros before moving up to AA Portland, the Pittsburgh Pirates, AAA Pawtucket, and finally Boston. The club is reportedly set to release Adrian Gonzalez to make room on the 40 man roster. More on this situation as news becomes available.